Childhood Wounds: How Do They Relate to Trauma & Present-Day Relationships?

Childhood may have been a time of innocence or chaos, or both at the same time. For many, childhood was imprinted by physical violence due to an alcoholic and/or physically abusive parent. For some there was a babysitter who molested them. For others parents were always working and/or traveling, leaving a child with a sense of feeling less than and abandoned. For some physical violence was justified, through the way a parent “disciplined”. Some children were raised by parents who yelled at them, compared them to a sibling, jokingly mocked them, or never complimented them. Although every material/physical need was met, some were raised with a vacancy in the emotional, nurturing, affectionate part of parenting.

Regardless of the circumstances and the types of relationships, each type of abuse creates wounds. Deep emotional wounds. A lack of a smile or a hug, no story before bed with a kiss goodnight. Voids in affection mold young lives in transformative ways. When not addressed and healed, these impact our self-perception and thus our relationships into adulthood, into old age.

Unhealed childhood wounds show up in the looping dysfunctions we have in friendships, work, family, and intimate partner relationships. If we have children of our own, we parent unknowingly out of inner child woundedness.

What Are Childhood Wounds?

Childhood wounds, incurred during formative years typically before the age of 18, are defined by harm to our emotional or mental well-being caused by emotional injuries. These wounds are rooted in various sources, including:

Abuse can be physical, emotional, spiritual, or sexual, and will leave deep unhealed hidden places in our being, often causing us to feel not enough, worthless, anxious, angry, sad, and/or powerless.

Emotional and/or physical neglect create a hole, a sense of something always missing, an abandonment, leading to a fear of intimacy, lacking trust in others; a child feeling not good enough for the parent; a sense of worthlessness; unwanted.

Loss can be through death of a loved one, a divorce or separation, or long periods of being separated from one or both parents (usually due to working). This can result in profound grief and feelings of instability that may only show up in adulthood.

Bullying can lead to long-term issues with self-esteem and social anxiety; especially if it is not recognized and dealt with by parents.

What Could Be The Impact of Childhood Trauma?

The impact of childhood trauma shows up in many ways, psychologically and physically. A few of the common outcomes are:

Mental Health Issues may show up through anxiety, depression, PTSD, ADHD, OCD, eating disorders, or other mental health disorders. Even as young as pre-school ages can indicate trauma responses by behavior challenges that are simply mirrors of their inner anxiety without language to express it.

Difficulties in Relationships may indicate childhood trauma through trust issues, fear of abandonment, difficulties in forming connection, or co-dependency and over-compensating.

Low Self-Esteem due to childhood wounds may show up in a negative self-image, or a sense that one is unworthy of love or happiness.

Coping Mechanisms may show up as substance abuse, eating disorders, any other addictive habit; or self-harming, or other forms of unhealthy coping.

Health Issues could be attributed to unresolved childhood trauma. There are some leaders in trauma work, such as Gabor Mate, MD, who attribute the majority of health problems to some root of unresolved trauma in a person’s younger life.

How Can We Heal From The Impact of Childhood Trauma?

A few strategies that can help:

1. Therapy: Working with a trained, trauma-informed professional offers a safe space to process childhood wounds and develop healthier coping mechanisms. Approaches such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) or Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing (EMDR) are known to be productive modalities of therapy.

2. Self-Compassion: Learning to be kind to oneself is crucial. Practicing patience and learning to love self can help to reframe negative thoughts into a healthier self-image.

3. Building a Support System: Choosing supportive and emotionally healthy friends and family offers safety and understanding.

4. Mindfulness, Meditation, Exercise, Spending Time Outdoors: Such practices help individuals stay grounded, manage anxiety, and help toward cultivating inner peace.

5. Creative Expression: Participating in art, writing, theater, dance, or music serves as a therapeutic outlet for helping to process emotions and memories.

Giving audience to childhood wounds is critical for emotional well-being and growth. While the journey of healing is challenging, it also leads to a fulfilling and authentic life. When we acknowledge our past, allowing memories to process in our present, we can move into a healthier future, a rewritten version of who we want to be. Remember, it is okay to ask for help along the way!