Aging Out of Parenthood
AGING OUT OF PARENTHOOD
Aging out of parenthood can be a challenging and emotional transition. It refers to the phase where adult children become more independent, maybe move farther away geographically, and/or begin to develop their own families taking up much of their attention. Parents face a shift in their roles and responsibilities. Here are a few aspects of this transition:
1. Emotional Adjustments: As children grow up and move on in their professions and their relationships, parents might experience a mix of pride and happiness along with sadness, and a sense of distance or loss. It can be a time for the parent to redefine one's identity and relationship with the adult children.
2. Reconnecting with Partners: With adult children growing less dependent on the parent-child relationship, the empty-nest couples might find themselves with more time to focus on their relationship. This can be a great opportunity to rekindle connections, make new friends, develop new hobbies, and explore new activities together.
3. Finding New Purpose: Parents may seek new roles or hobbies to fill the void left by the less frequent phone calls or in-person visits; the limited need of parental advice; the decrease in sharing daily activities. Parents can find new fulfillment in volunteering, going back to school, pursuing new career goals, or signing up to learn new creative projects.
4. Staying Connected: Maintaining strong relationships with grown children can be important. Finding new ways to stay involved in their lives is the challenge many parents face. As adult children develop their lives with other people (partners, children of their own, friends, communities they live in, etc.) they do not rely as heavily on parental advice or support; in many ways the parent can come to feel less "needed". It is important and healthy for the parent to establish boundaries, being available and not overbearing; allowing the adult children to flourish as they need and want. The parent can let the adult children know how meaningful it is to keep the family bond strong by a phone call to check-in without being intrusive. It is a season of learning each other's level of need and what each would like the parent-child relationship to look like as they evolve into a different type of family system. Openness, honesty, and allowing growth are key elements to keeping a family emotionally healthy.
5. Self-Care: This transition is also an opportunity for the parent to focus on personal well-being. Taking time for exercise, joining groups of other adults in classes at a local library, a community center or a YMCA, exploring interests one may never have considered when they were focused on raising a family, and setting individual personal goals are crucial. List the things that bring joy or fulfillment, or things that are realistic goals, or things that may seem fearful and daunting. And do them! Conquer challenging things!
So, Parents, this is a season, not only of letting go and celebrating your adult children's independence, happiness, and successes, but it is a season of personal growth, finding the essence of "you" ...maybe for the first time?
